Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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