she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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