So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
