I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
You took a bar mat shot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize