how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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