we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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