Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
