Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
