you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
