She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
