If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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