So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
