I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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