she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
