So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just cropdusted the office
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize