You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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