Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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