dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
