We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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