I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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