I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
