there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
