Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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