i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
