She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize