My friends, they love my intelligence
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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