but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shame - the story of my life.
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