you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
