You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
