That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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