Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
