So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
