They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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