So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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