God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
