Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
