You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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