Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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