Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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