Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize