Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
