our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
