i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
