I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
