Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
