he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
