She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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