Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
