halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Green mimosas i think yes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
