my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
