My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
