i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
