Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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