dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize