so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
