and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk is not a location!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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