would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
