just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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