I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize