Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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